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Everyone needs to feel loved. It’s vital to know how you enjoy being loved, but also how to properly show others your love for them. In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman breaks down the basics of the five different love languages to make it easier for us to identify how to express ourselves to our loved ones. Once you’ve figured out what your partner’s love language is, you’ll be able to show them how you feel in a way that is fulfilling to them.
The Love Languages Explained
Words of Affirmation:
Some people just like to hear gestures of love like “I love you” and “I appreciate everything that you do” consistently, no matter that they already know these things. For this type of person, the best way to show your love is through constant encouragement and never letting things go unsaid.
- Try verbalizing your appreciations in some way each day.
- Don’t assume your partner knows what you’re thinking and feeling – speak up!
One of the love languages has to do with spending quality time with your partner. This doesn’t mean just casual conversation; it means the times where your partner is your main focus. If your partner enjoys quality time, here are some things to consider:
- Choose a certain time each day or week where you’re completely dedicated to your partner. This means that you need to shut off the TV, put down the paper, and take some away from the kids.
- Think of activities you can do together to really connect.
- Make sure you have a good relationship with yourself; it’s the only way you can truly connect with your partner.
Another love language is one where your partner may enjoy giving and receiving gifts. This isn’t because they’re greedy; it means they’re visual people who enjoy seeing proof of your deepening relationship. If you’re with this type of partner, try these tips:
- Even if you’re a big saver, make the effort to spend at least a little money or make some homemade or handmade gifts.
- Leave loving cards and notes for them.
- Don’t give gifts everyday, but give gifts that are meaningful.
Acts of Service:
We can’t forget the chores when it comes to a language of communication between partners. Since there are many things that need to get done around the house, it often causes problems when you try to figure out who’s doing what. Keep these tips in mind:
- Everyone has different chores that they deem important.
- Figure out which ones your partner doesn’t enjoy and do them.
- Chores involve thinking ahead, which your partner will certainly appreciate.
The physical affection love language can get complicated. Expressing your love physically doesn’t only mean lovemaking. It involves simple touches too. Each partner will usually have some kind of opinion when it comes to this language:
- Figure out which kinds of touches your partner enjoys, it may be a gentle rub of their shoulders or some cuddling while watching television.
- This is equally important, figure out which touches irritate your partner.
- Get to know your partner’s moods so you know when to express physical affection.
Your Love Language
Your and your partner will likely speak a certain combination of these love languages. It may even help to outright discuss the topic of love languages with your partner to better understand each other.
Are you interested in understanding what your or your partner’s love language is? Download this worksheet and find out!
Purchase your copy of The Five Love Languages here.